Respected or Respectable?

One we have control of the other we do not.

I’ve always wanted to be respected. Maybe I desire it more than others; maybe it is a common human desire. A desire to be seen as honorable, dependable, someone worth looking up to. It can prompt us to act, be it through good motives or bad. Imagine people nodding in approval, affirming worth with their words or their admiration. Or imagine a small boy watching with pride as his dad kills a snake in the front yard or a dad watching his daughter make a good choice with her friends. Being on the receiving end of respect brings reinforcement of (normally) good choices and also feelings we enjoy. But the more I chase that feeling, the more I wonder: is this longing pulling me toward God or pushing me away from Him? I appreciate the pressure and the way it shapes my life, but is there also a negative side? Lately, I’ve been caught in a tug-of-war within myself. I want to live respectably and be respected by others, but I'm realizing that the allure of human praise might be a dangerous detour from seeking God’s heart.

What Does the Bible Say About Respect?

The Bible doesn’t shy away from talking about respect, but it’s not a simple playbook. On one hand, it tells me to live in a way that earns respect. In 1 Timothy 3:7, Paul says church leaders should “have a good reputation with outsiders.” Then there’s 1 Peter 2:12, urging me to “live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God.” These verses suggest that people naturally respect us when our lives reflect God's character.

But then I see a flip side: respect isn’t promised, even for the faithful. The Bible is full of people who lived for God and got rejection instead. The prophets are a stark example. They obeyed God, yet the crowds often turned on them.

Take Jeremiah, for instance. He was God’s mouthpiece to a rebellious nation, but he faced mockery, beatings, and imprisonment. In Jeremiah 20:7-8, he cries out, “I am ridiculed all day long; everyone mocks me. Whenever I speak, I cry out proclaiming violence and destruction.” Still, he pressed on, driven by God’s call, not human approval. God assured him in Jeremiah 1:8, “Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you.” Jeremiah’s story shows that respect from people isn’t the measure of a life well-lived. He was respectable, yet not respected.

Then there’s Elijah, whose experience swung from triumph to despair. On Mount Carmel, he called down fire from heaven, and the crowd shouted, “The Lord, He is God!” (1 Kings 18:39). Respect poured in... until it didn’t. Soon after, he was running from Jezebel’s threats, alone and broken. His story reminds me how quickly human respect can vanish, even for someone walking closely with God. These prophets challenge me: am I chasing the right thing?

Respectable vs. Respected: Untangling the Two

This brings me to a question I’ve been wrestling with: what’s the difference between being respectable and being respected? Being respectable is about my character, about living with integrity, being “above reproach” as Paul says in 1 Timothy 3:2. It’s an internal standard, a commitment to honor God whether anyone sees it or not. Being respected, though, is external. It’s what others think of me, the reputation I carry.

Paul ties these together in 1 Timothy 3, and I missed it at first. He’s setting a standard for church leaders: they should be “above reproach” (respectable) and have “a good reputation with outsiders” (respected). These bookend a large list of (primarily) character based traits that would reinforce being respectable and can lead to be being respected. Here’s the connection: Paul says a leader’s inner character (being respectable) should shape how others see them (being respected). If I live with integrity, people might respect me for it. But the focus stays on the character, not the applause. It’s about pleasing God first, and if respect follows, it’s a byproduct, not the goal. Chasing respect just to feel good misses Paul’s point entirely.

When Respect Turns Into a Stumbling Block

But here’s where it gets tricky: when does wanting respect become a problem? For me, it’s when my heart twists it into something selfish. If I crave respect to boost my ego or feel secure, it’s not about God anymore... it’s about me. The Pharisees fell into this trap. Jesus called them out in Luke 11:43 for loving “the best seats in the synagogues and greetings in the marketplaces.” Their respect was a status symbol, not a reflection of faith.

I’ve felt that pull too. Over the years, I’ve been devastated by someone’s disapproval. It could be a sharp word, a cold look, or just being ignored. Each time, it hits harder than it should, exposing how much I lean on respect to feel okay. It’s not about God’s glory in those moments; it’s about my insecurity screaming for validation. And this isn’t the last time I’ll stumble here... it is a daily, if not moment by moment battle not to give into insecurity. But recognizing it is a start, a nudge to shift my focus back to God. In this way, it can even serve as a constant reminder that my wandering heart is always in need of the saving grace of my Redeemer.

Can Wanting Respect Be Holy?

Still, I wonder: can wanting respect ever be good? I think it can, if it’s for God’s sake. If I live respectably and hope it earns respect so people see Jesus in me, that’s not pride, it’s purpose. 1 Peter 2:12 backs this up: my good life might point others to God. I have a neighbor that seems like he respects the way we live as a family. This witness is not about being respected, but it has led to opportunities to talk about deeper matters as his respect leads him to care what we think on topics. These deeper topics about the things that are near to God's heart are what Peter is talking about. If I want respect so someone trusts me enough to hear about matters of God's heart, that is holy. The key is keeping my motives aimed at Him, not my own spotlight.

Where This Leaves Me

So where do I land? I still want respect; It’s wired into me, and I don't think that should change. But I’m starting to see that my real call is to live respectably, honoring God whether anyone notices or not. If respect comes, I can use it to lift Him up. If it doesn’t, I can rest in His approval. Paul puts it bluntly in Galatians 1:10: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” That’s my compass.

Jeremiah and Elijah faced worse than I ever will, and they kept going. Their lives tell me to seek God’s heart, not the crowd’s cheer. As I walk this out, I’m choosing respectability for His sake… honest, steady, and faithful… whether it wins me fans or not. God’s “well done” is what I’m after, and that’s enough.

How have you handled the tension between respected and respectable?